Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Evil Step-Sisters

What is the real reason we don't follow through with our Resolutions?  What's the reason we spend all year forgetting about those resolutions only to be reminded of them and feel down about not meeting our own expectations at the end of December?  Doesn't really seem fair to do that to ourselves does it?  Maybe we should try blaming our Evil Step-Mother and Evil Step-Sisters!

You all know the story:
Man with a daughter marries a woman with daughters, man leaves picture, and man's daughter is punished out of hatred and jealousy.  Girl overcomes the punishments, works hard, and meets Prince Charming anyway.  But what-if we make ourselves Cinderella in the story and use that to meet our own goals?

First let's reassign the primary roles.

Evil Step-Mother Lady Tremaine:  A tall, slender, dark woman with high expectations and a desire to push her own priorities onto Cinderella.  She demands perfection, and the success of only her own.  Today her role will be played by our own perfectionism.  You know that little voice in your head that says "I can't really do it all right all now, so I'll start when I can."

Evil Step-Sister Anastasia:  A clumsy, spoiled, whiny, selfish girl, who takes joy in humiliating Cinderella.  She believes herself to be better than her poor cinder covered Step-Sister.  Her role today will be played by our own fear of failure and self doubt.  How many times do we not even start something because we don't think we can actually do it?

Evil Step-Sister Drizzela:  The older of the two Step-Sisters who is vain, abusive, greedy, and lazy.  These girls have been handed everything their whole lives and wouldn't know the first thing about working.  Drizzela barks order after order, and purposely tries to unhinge Cinderella. The role of Drizzela today will be our own lack of motivation and unorganized ways of thinking.  Sometimes we just don't have the get up and go to get started.

Lucifer: The pompous, gluttonous cat that sabotages Cinderella time and time again.  The royal pet of the Lady Tremaine, the little fur-ball who does her dirty work, today will be played by Life.  That's right life.  Each time you think you have everything rocking the way it should be life comes along and throws a wrench right into your spokes.  That little creature that none of us can escape from.

Bruno: The loyal, understanding, bloodhound of Cinderella.  Her oldest, closest friend, and gift from her father.  Bruno understands the torture Cinderella deals with from her step-mother and step-sisters, and is always there when Lucifer strikes.  Bruno's role is going to be played by your oldest and closest friend.  In my case this has always been my sister.  Who's your Bruno?

Jaq:  He's the leader of the mice, and the only one brave enough to take on Lucifer all by himself.  Jaq is going to be our determination and bravery, albeit small sometimes, it's still there!

Gus and the other Mice:  Grateful for protection and food, the mice do whatever they can to help out Cinderella.  When the tiny creatures work together they create big things.  Today the role of Gus and the other mice is going to be played by strategy.  When we break up those big things into tiny tasks, big things get done and we don't even notice.

Fairy Godmother:  That sweet, short, plump, motherly woman who yields a magic wand and makes all our wishes come true.  Wouldn't it be awesome if we all really really had one?  Thing is we all kind of already do.  Today her role is going to be played by our Perseverance.  Magic happens when we don't give up!

Prince Charming:  First of all is he really that "charming"?  I mean he falls in love with you then forgets your name and what you look like, some prince.  Come on ladies, wouldn't y'all rather have the stable boy anyway?  Or maybe not.  Today the role of Prince Charming is being played by those Resolutions.  Let's think about them for a minute.  Are they really what you want to achieve?  Are they larger than life, do they need to be reworked or reworded?  I've included the definitions of two words at the bottom to help answer that question.

Now that our enemies and allies have been clearly defined, I'm going to give you the formula for exactly how to reach your goals and resolutions.  Each of your enemies has equal and opposite allies and when carefully pitted against each other, Cinderella wins.  Think of the story again for a few minutes.  Consider how each of Cinderella's friends, helped her overcome the hatred and jealousy of the Step-Mother and her evil helpers.

APPLY that knowledge now to your goals and resolutions!  Use the following steps as a guide:

1. Team up with Bruno:  Pick someone you're close to, to keep you accountable and help you keep sight of your goals when Life throws it's ugly little two bits in.

2.  Address your perfectionism:  Nothing will ever be perfect, perfect is a myth. That paper you turned in as a final draft wasn't really.  All it was is the last draft ready at the time it was due.  Don't try to make yourself produce perfectionism. Let it go!  Forget about that Evil Step-Mother, she isn't YOUR mother.

3. Lean on Jaq: Find your own determination and bravery and soon that light will shine so bright you won't even remember those evil step-sisters of yours.

4. Take lead from Gus and the other mice:  Break each of your resolutions and goals into 12 pieces.  Work on achieving each goal then move on to the next.  And give yourself little reminders (and rewards) everywhere you may need one to stay on track with that goal.

5. Cinderella didn't bitch: [I borrowed that from a very cool woman I know and her husband's Harley Shop] She didn't complain, she kept working.  Sure she got frustrated from time to time, and even broke down a little. We are all human after all.  But for the most part she kept working, and singing, and working.  And she believed she was going to get to her happy ending.  Her perseverance paid off in her Fairy Godmother.  Your fairy godmother is your perseverance.  Keep believing and you will go to the ball too.

6. Enjoy the journey as much as you would enjoy the Prince (or stable boy): Take pride in each piece of your goal accomplished, and reward yourself for it.

I've found this is a good way to teach kids about resolutions and how to achieve them (leaving out that bit about the stable boy of course).   What advice would you give someone to reach their goals?  What have you already done toward your own?



res·o·lu·tion

  [rez-uh-loo-shuhn] 
noun

1.
a formal expression of opinion or intention made, usually after voting, by a formal organizationalegislature, a club, or other group. Compare concurrent resolutionjoint resolution.
2.
a decision or determination; a resolveto make a firm resolution to do something. Her resolution to clearher parents' name allowed her no other focus in life.
3.
the act determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc.; the act ofresolving.
4.
firmness of purpose; the mental state or quality of being resolved or resoluteShe showed her resolution by not attending the meeting.
5.
the act or process of separating into constituent or elementary parts or resolving.

goal

  [gohl]
noun
1.
the result or achievement toward which effort is directed; aim; end.
2.
the terminal point in a race.
3.
a pole, lineor other marker by which such a point is indicated.
4.
an area, basket, cage, or other object or structure toward or into which players of various games attempt to throwcarry, kick, hit, or drive a ball, puck, etc., to score a point or points.
5.
the act of throwing, carrying, kicking, driving, etc., a ball or puck into such an area or object.





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Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Give Away!! From Creations

My New Year's Resolutions include doing a better job at promoting myself, and being more spiritual everyday, which is part of the reason I decided to make one of these just to give away!

Gem trees are fantastic Feng Shui cures and this one I've made contains amethyst, rose quartz, moonstone, and tiger eye.  Amethyst is the stone of peace and healing for body and mind, Rose Quartz is the stone of love and friendship, Tiger Eye is for protection and Moonstone is the stone of Passion.  This tree made of wrapped gold wire, and will fit nicely into any of your Bagua zones.  But for the most use of the piece place it in your Relationship/Marriage, Family, Knowledge/Spirit, Helpful People areas, or because it's a multicolored piece add it to your Children/Creativity zone for less squabbling!  If you'd like a more practical use for this, hang your earrings from the branches.  Or perhaps this would be the perfect gift for a friend with a February birthday!

Now would you like to know how you can enter to win this Gem Tree?  Just use the form below, you can enter using as few or as many ways retha@mommybeewisdom.com or just leave it in the comments!
as you'd like!  The form should be pretty self explanatory but if you have any questions or problems using it either shoot me an email

AND if you have any points in the trivia contest we had a while back you will receive entries for that, but be sure to select that inside the entry form below!

***Family not eligible to win, however, are more than welcome to share!***

The contest will end on the 12th, the winner will be notified by email and announced soon after and the Tree will ship out right after!  Just in time for the Chinese New Year!

So what are your New Year's Resolutions?



a Rafflecopter giveaway





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Monday, January 6, 2014

Prayer Vs Meditation -- A lesson in listening

The fundamental aspects of praying is that one speaks to their deity.  It generally looks something like the following.  Person is kneeling before alter, idol, bed, or direction; Then asks their deity to allow for protection, or avenues not already afforded to them.  This is speaking to or speaking at as my Grandmother would say. I will not tell you how to pray, because that is completely a personal and never wrong thing to do.  Everyone does it differently.  I will however say this, if you are praying, you should also be meditating.

In meditation the purpose is to listen.  I'm often not surprised that more people don't meditate, very few people have learned how to really listen to words said out loud straight to them.  Even fewer are able to listen to the words they read.  Luckily to listen to your deity, all you need to do is open your mind and your heart in silence!

My favorite meditations that I use most often are as follows:

Begin by sitting comfortably straight up with legs crossed, you should be sitting on your sit bones.  If this seems difficult place a pillow or folded towel under your bottom.  Rest your hands palms up on your knees.

Next breathe in deeply through your nose and count to three.  Your inhale should be equal to your exhale so when you breathe out also send it through your nose and count to three.  Allow your mouth to void, do this by keeping your lips closed, and lightly touching the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth right behind your teethe, the back the tongue should be low and relaxed. The air on its way out will circulate through your mouth before heading out of your nose and will again circulate there on the way in.  You can tell that you are doing this correctly if the breathe sounds like ocean winds as it circulates.

Focus the breath into relaxing your body and mind.  Starting at your toes, think of your toes on the inhale and relax the toes on the exhale.  Move up your body in the same way.  Generalized body parts is fine such as relaxing legs, bottom, torso, hands, arms, neck, head.  Remember that your jaw is like the clutch to your body -- if it is not relaxed nothing else will fully relax either.

Now that your body is fully relaxed having some kind of visualization will help to relax and open your mind.  I like to visualize myself sitting in a field of flowers with the sun shining warmly on my body.  Occasionally I like adding a brook or birds to the field.  Imagine this picture with as many details as you can but still continue to count your breathes.  At some point you may start getting completely random pictures or ideas.  This is how your deity tells you things.  You may even hear actual voices.  Allow the pictures and/or voices to continue, don't try to make sense of them just yet, just listen. Do try to open your mind and your heart to these images and voices.

Finally when you feel you have gotten the necessary information thank your deity for the help.  Return your focus to your breathing and  slowly return to your body by gently moving each body part just as you did in the relaxing phase.  Take the feeling of peace with you when you leave.   Now spend a few moments writing down your experience.  The following questions may be helpful.

What did I feel, hear, and see?
What are the feelings telling me?
What I've heard (if anything) pertains how to my current situation?
What do (if any) objects shown to me represent in my life?
What do I want to take with me from this experience?

Once these symbols have been recorded and you've had a chance to consciously think about them, you need to translate them to what they mean to you.  For instance, lets say you saw a wine glass.  This could mean a great many number of things.  What does a wine glass mean to you?  For me it might mean, family, food, and relaxation.  We cook with our families (many times with wine) and occasionally I like having a glass of wine on Saturday nights while I watch Doctor Who all by myself.  So if I was to see a wine glass my deity might be telling me I need more family and relaxation to balance my workload.  For you it may represent a night out with the girls, bubble baths, and community wine tasting events.  It may even represent your spirituality. However you interpret the images, feelings, and sounds is completely up to you, but keep in mind you should take all advice as you would from a good friend and not an all powerful God.  The reason I say this is sometimes we are so wrapped up in our mundane lives that we only hear, see, and feel what we want to.

Special position and visualization for pregnant women:

This is the meditation I used most while pregnant, but it is also wonderful for the elderly, disabled, and for anyone who finds it uncomfortable to sit.

Gather as many pillows (rolled towels or fluffy blankets also work) as possible and find a large area of floor or bed to use.  Lay down on your left side placing one pillow under your belly.  Strategically place pillows under and around you so that you are comfortable and no body part is touching another or the bed or floor.  You should feel like your suspended in a fluffy cloud.

Just as in the other position breathe in deeply through your nose and count to three.  Your inhale should be equal to your exhale so when you breathe out also send it through your nose and count to three.  Allow your mouth to void, do this by keeping your lips closed, and lightly touching the tip of your tongue to the roof of your mouth right behind your teethe, the back the tongue should be low and relaxed. The air on its way out will circulate through your mouth before heading out of your nose and will again circulate there on the way in.  You can tell that you are doing this correctly if the breathe sounds like ocean winds as it circulates.

Focus the breath into relaxing your body and mind.  Starting at your toes, think of your toes on the inhale and relax the toes on the exhale.  Move up your body in the same way.  Generalized body parts is fine such as relaxing legs, bottom, torso, hands, arms, neck, head.  Remember that your jaw is like the clutch to your body -- if it is not relaxed nothing else will fully relax either.

This visualization is specific for this position, and has often "rocked me to sleep" which is okay!  If you're pregnant you might need a nap anyway.  Imagine you are in a small row boat filled with pillows, its a summer afternoon and your boat rests on the shore of a mountain lake whose edges are dappled with majestic trees. Smell the clean water, and hear the trickling of it's gentle movements mixed with the song of birds and breezes moving through the vegetation. As you lay in your boat on the shore, feel it drift slowly along the shore moving into the cool dark shade, and then through the warm sunshine.  Any random thoughts, feelings or sounds that come at this point allow.  Notice them.  Open your mind and heart to what you're being shown, told, or feeling.

Finally when you feel you have gotten the necessary information thank your deity for the help.  Return your focus to your breathing and  slowly return to your body by gently moving each body part just as you did in the relaxing phase.  Place both hands behind one knee and gently rock yourself into a sitting position.  Take the feeling of peace with you when you leave.   Now spend a few moments writing down your experience.  The following questions may be helpful.

What did I feel, hear, and see?
What are the feelings telling me?
What I've heard (if anything) pertains how to my current situation?
What do (if any) objects shown to me represent in my life?
What do I want to take with me from this experience?

Just as before take some time to understand what you experienced means to you.  Take notes, and when you're feeling lost look back through them.  Sometimes I find that I take more meaning from meditation sessions that are not the newest.

“Work is not always required. There is such a thing as sacred idleness.” 
― George MacDonald

Some FAQ regarding meditation:

When is it best to meditate?  Whenever you won't be disturbed, this means leave your phone in another room.  I put mine on auto reply.

What if I can't actually see anything?  That's okay just imagine it.

What if I keep getting distracted by outside forces or by my own mind?  Try using music to help drown out the things you can't control.

What if my mind wonders?  Gently redirect yourself, and don't get angry with yourself, everyone learns this in their own time.

How often should I meditate?  Well, how often do you pray?  I meditate at least three times a week.  Shoot for once a week to start with, work your way up to as often as you'd like.



Remember to take the peace with you,
Blessed Be


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Sunday, January 5, 2014

Once Upon a Time -- Your Daughters

I've thought long and hard about how I feel regarding the situations that arose out of 2013.  Some of them not so much fun, and some of them awesome.  Some frivolous, and some entertaining.  Everything from the loss of my last grandparent, to the accomplishment of earning my second degree and becoming ordained.  It's been a roller coaster of a year.  So today I'm going to wrap up all those feelings into a neat little package, and throw it out into cyberspace, to free myself.  And finally embark on this fresh albeit inchoate 2014.  Something most of us desperately need, at least I do.
In 2013, I seemed to loose something and gain something every single month.  Equal and opposite actions and reactions surely to teach me something.  Loosing something material taught me that it's really about being together, loosing something useful taught me there's more than one way to skin a cat (gosh what an atrocious figure of speech), and loosing something necessary taught me to stop procrastinating or you will forever be told you can't buy spray-paint.  But loosing people taught me to appreciate the ones that I keep that much more.
At first I was very angry that I was being punished for standing up for my sister, after all she was publicly humiliated on Facebook.  Then while I was trying to deal with things in my personal life I was blamed for talking about people and calling them names I never did.  And I was super angry that my own father didn't even believe me.  Then over the course of the next few months and various threats on my other sister, I lost more and more.  People ceased to speak to me and those who did continue to were shunned.  Slowly even my children were ousted. I've heard rumors about me, and have been told about underhanded comments made involving us.  We didn't take anything from you, you all threw us away.  You told us to be quiet and go.  So we did.  **I'm no longer angry about this or even hurt, I'm just giving my side of the story so stay with me here.***
For the rest of the year I was amazed at how easy it was for you all to forget we even existed.  From choosing to not return our phone calls, not calling on birthdays, and deciding because who I'm with I don't deserve to be acknowledged during holidays.
Thing is, even though I lost a lot of things over the course of 2013, my self respect and backbone was not one of them.  I could lower my level of integrity and share why you're not perfect, and I could go out of my way to hurt your feelings, but I won't.  Instead I'm going to simply use this opportunity to say goodbye so I can have that new start. ***Did everyone catch that last part, I'm just saying goodbye***
My message to the rest of you is this:  He was our dad first, once upon a time that may have stood for something but it doesn't.  He chose you all instead, and you deserve to be chosen.  We know that you need him.
We used to think there was room for everyone, but not when there is so much jealousy and greed about.  That's the only reason I can think of for all the hateful things said and all the rumors.  It is okay though, because I still have a lot of really great men in my life.  Men who have worked and fought for everything they have, men who have played the roles of hero, men who are generous, and men who would stand up for us no matter what.  Many of those men offered to walk me down the isle once upon a time.  And in addition to all those men, we have a gaggle of women who have taught us to be strong, fight back, and defend those who need us to.  We've learned compassion and forgiving from these people, and I wouldn't trade them for anything.  In light of that fact, even though he is one of those great men, we have decided to stand back and not fight for this one.  Again because we know you need him.
As for anyone who still can't stand us or believes us to be the ones going out of our way to do the things you've blamed us for: You see, my sister and I may not be perfect, we know this, and accept this.  We might not have blonde hair, stand 5'9", or wear a size 2. We also aren't married to the star quarterback, but honestly who would want to be all those things?!  Little too cookie cutter if you ask me.  **This is not a jab at anyone in particular but societies ideals of perfect girls**  We will no longer be made out to be the bullies because we stick together.  Because, in 2014 we have chosen to be ourselves.  We will not try to fit into anyone else's ideals -- as if we ever have tried.  We will continue to follow the path we have chosen, your faith never made a difference to us, it should have never for you.  We will continue to love our men, regardless of what you think of them.  We will continue to live our lives based on the morals bestowed upon us, and you can count on us acting like our mother.  ***Like it or not, she's not refered to as the queen bitch for nothing!***

We certainly wish you ALL the best.
You will always be our father, and we've decided to throw away this fight.  This is the last thing I will say about this whole situation. I've chosen to post this here because it's a place I cannot be silenced.  I can only be me.  And I hope all of you reading this will take away the lesson that it's not worth it to be someone you're not, no matter who you may be!  Don't let anyone try to silence you no matter what, we all have the right to be who we are.  I don't care if you're tall, short, thin, portly, dramatic, shy, or loud -- stand tall, follow your heart.

Blessed Be,
Recognized as Friend Girls --
Previously known as Just Girls --
Forever United against all Forces

I hope you all can find a new beginning in 2014 even if it's a messy beginning.





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